How to Lie Online

What?! SoulRed12 is going to teach you to do something naughty?

Yes, friends. If you want to lie online, here’s how you do it. Just follow these steps EXACTLY.

1. Make sure you TELL everyone that you’re NOT lying.
We’ll believe you, if you just tell us. You know, something like “I’m not lying, I swear!” Lots of explamation points afterwards definitely helps too.

2. PROMISE them you’re not lying.
Then they’ll HAVE to believe you.

3. Get angry at everyone who calls you a liar.
You may be a liar, but that doesn’t mean someone has the right to call you a liar! Remind them that you specifically said you aren’t lying, and how that’s undeniable proof.

4. When people write back, always imagine their messages are accusations that you’re lying.
Because then, you sound like you’re an honest person worried that other people will think you’re not telling the truth. Be sure to post lots of sad and angry emoticons.

5. Confess to the lie three minutes later.
When you confess to the lie, people will believe it MORE. Seriously.

6. Lie to people who can catch you in the lie.
This is just a good idea. Do it all the time.

7. Tell the truth somewhere first, and then lie somewhere nearby.
It’s best if you tell multiple stories on all kinds of websites and even in multiple threads on the same forum. NOBODY will have looked in any other threads, and besides, you know what they say–two alibis are better than none. Three are even better. And why not use four?

8. On that note, be sure to contradict yourself thirty seconds AFTER the lie, too.
It just makes everything more believable.

9. Threaten everyone who point out your lie.
Scaring them off will make it harder for you to be found out. They’re definitely not going to laugh in your face and tell everyone they know that you threatened something you obviously can’t do.

10. Build the biggest web of lies you can possibly build, so that after a while it gets hard to remember what’s a lie and what isn’t.
This makes the whole thing so much more fun. Remember to angrily log off forever when you’re finally caught saying something completely stupid.

Note: Results may vary